Day 559

     I have no idea how I have next to no motivation anymore. At first, although hard, I was actually TRYING. My mood is down, for no reason in particular, and I have absolutely no desire to diet or work towards making myself a better person. This of course makes me kind of depressed and ultimately adds to it! What a sick cycle I have going on here.
    I work about 80 hours a week. My spare time is so limited that my DVR records more than I have the free time to watch. Not to mention when I get home I crash. I just lay down and enjoy the lack of movement. Mornings have never been great for me, but lately they're worse, making it hard to get myself out of bed to workout before work. My one day off a week is what I use as an excuse. You know, 'it's my only day off, why should I do things I don't want to do on it?'. Yep, use that line every week over and over in my head.
    I need to find something to give me back the same motivation that I used to have. It's my birthday in a little under 2 weeks. I had before made it a goal to be under (or right around) 200 lbs by then. I am realistic enough to admit that it will not be happening. I have actually PUT ON weight since I made that goal. This roller coaster I'm riding is making me sick, and I just need to get off of it. I know enough now to know that until I fix my attitude I'm not going to be able to fix everything else. So, until next time, I will be trying to find what makes me happy, what makes me feel more energetic and able to conquer the world (or at least the treadmill) while trying to avoid eating things that I know are awful for me (ie: fast food, pizza, etc) and learning to eat smaller proportions. I will hope to begin calorie counting in another week or two along with new regular workouts. Wish me luck!

This is day 559 on my (what seems like permanent) weight loss journey, and I weigh 232 lbs.

-K

Day 531

     Can you believe it? It's been an entire year since I've posted (and dieted). You've heard of falling off of the wagon? I fell of  Everest and it's taken me this entire time to climb back to the top. I'm writing now 9 pounds heavier than when I left. At a whopping 224 lbs I'm ready to reclaim my rightful place on the skinny throne.
      I've recently started doing some running. By "doing some running" I mean doing some jogging. By "doing some jogging" I mean a little jogging and a lot of walking. It's hard to pick up on. I'm naturally worn out quickly trying to lift ALL OF THIS off the ground multiple times in a row, but on top of that finding time to drag myself out of my bed in the morning is difficult on a whole new level.
      My job comes with a lot of responsibilities, but one of them is baking. Cakes, cookies, puddings, pies... you name it, I've made it and foamed at the mouth of the idea of not being able to taste it. They say that most of your sense of taste is actually your sense of smell. They smell WONDERFUL but it sure isn't like tasting them that's for sure! I've tried making a "healthy" cookie, no dice. Not only are they hard to come by but once I eat a cookie my mind instantly races to "Already ate a cookie, why not some chips to wash that down?". This process is what has made me decide to cut out almost all carbs.
    
This is Day 531 and I weigh 224 lbs.

Day 143

So happy belated St. Patty's Day! Last night was my first day I drank in.... 142 days! I am so proud that I made it that long. I couldn't drink as much as I used to but go figure-- I've basically lost a sixth grader off my hips! I also don't feel like I need to drink anymore. I felt kinda crappy afterwards/today even though I had about 1/2 the drinks I normally would have (or less!).  Oh well, back to my weight loss! As of last Thursday (3 days ago) I weighed 215 pounds. 16 more and I'll be under 200, which is going to be SO great! I can't weight (<--- GET IT?!) Okay, Maybe I'm still a little drunk. While I sleep this off I'm going to dream of fitting into a size 14!

Goodbye 6 more pounds!

Day 129

Well, I've only lost a tiny amount of weight since my last post. I was 231, right? Well as of last Wednesday I was only 221. So 10 lbs in about a month. A little depressing but at least I'm still LOSING... just slowly! I found some pretty delicious TV dinner type meals by "Healthy Choice". Some of them even come with a dessert so it's a nice treat (by dessert I mean like apple and cherry cobbler type thing, sans breading-- but anything sweet is amazing!). I try not to eat them too often though, but making my own dinner for one every night is a little taxing. I'm just too busy with other things at the moment. This last week I have worked out 3 times though! Haha, sounds NORMAL or even less than NORMAL for some people but for me it's a large improvement. Of course it's been miniscule amounts of time but I'll keep working on that.

Next weigh in is in a few days, I'll be happy with even 1 more lb lost. Please no plateauing/gaining!!

Also, I'm hoping to introduce myself back into the 210's! I can't believe that it's already been 70 lbs lost. I should be very proud of myself. Yay! 70 down, about another 70 to go. Halfway!

Day 104

Wow, over 100 days. I never thought I would make it this far. I have been 100 days with no alcohol, no pizza, and no potatoes! Unfortunately though, my weight loss has dropped and I'm only losing 2-3 lbs a week now. I'm sure if it would be back up around 5lbs a week like it used to be, but I just can't get in the habit of working out regularly. If I get out and do something physical once a week, it's a good week. I just need more energy!

So, this is day 104 and I weigh 231 lbs. :)

Day 71

   I weighed in yesterday at 5 more pounds lost. This is all starting to feel much more real now, and friends and family around me are starting to notice the difference in my size. It makes me feel much better, since I can't really notice it yet. I mean, I suppose my clothes are fitting better but from just looking at myself, I can't tell. One more pound and it will make it 50 lbs that I lost! Sounds so much better than 40! 50... half of a hundred pounds! Which means that I'm a little over 1/3rd of the way to my goal weight.
    This marks the end of day 71. And I weigh 241 lbs.

Day 65

   I'm past the two month mark! Eating healthier is starting to become more of a habit than a chore. I'm also starting to get back to walking my dog again since my time off due to my knee injury. I'm hoping to keep it up, but also starting slow so I don't get hurt again.
   Okay, so since my last post I have done 2 weekly weigh-in's. First one was on the 20'th and I weighed in at 251 lbs and I did another yesterday (technically anyway, since it's only into the wee hours of the morning!) and I weighed in at 246 lbs.
    Slowly but steadily I'm still losing some pounds. I'm very content with the rate (I'd even be content with less, but this makes me even happier) I'm still on target to be at my goal weight by next year. I was a little worried because I ate a roll for Christmas dinner, as well as did a little sampling of the dessert table. Needless to say, this last weigh-in was a welcomed surprise! Another 5 lbs down this week!
    I'm officially over 1/3rd of the way to where I'd like to be. I know that it'll start slowing down soon but then I just need to pick up the pace with more exercise (easier said than done, right?)

Well, it's about time for me to pass out. It's day 65 and I weigh 246 lbs.

Day 48

   Okay- so I weighed in a day early, I couldn't wait! And boy, I sure was happy with what I read on the scale. I lost another 5 pounds, which is totally great and more than my weekly weight loss goal (3lbs).
    I think I'm finally starting to be able to see a difference in my body. I can tell a little around my stomach and a little in my face. It's nice being able to start SEEING some results. It's definitely making it more "real" and keeps me pumped up to continue trying my best.
    I had a HUGE diet "oh no" moment earlier today when a friend wanted to go to KFC and I realized that I wanted _everything_ on the menu, but couldn't _eat_ anything on it. I just clenched tight to my protein shake and waited it out.
   I've been giving myself a "cheat day", if you will, every 3-4 weeks or so. I had one for Thanksgiving, which I sampled almost every dessert! My next one is going to be Christmas dinner, but this time I'm skipping the desserts and saving the calories for my dinner roll, potatoes and gravy. Believe me, I'm counting down the days!
   Another thing I've started doing is Pilates. So far, it's kicking my butt, and it makes me sore for days. I'm not going to quit though. I'm due for another session tonight (Netflix is great for those videos, they have TONS so I never get bored). It's a little depressing though watching all those skinny minnies not even breaking a sweat and I'm dripping, crouched over and gasping for breath! I guess I'll go get ready for my reality check now.

So, this is day 48 and I weigh 254.

Day 45

     It's been quite a while since I updated, so here's a few things to catch up on! I weighed in on December 1'st and was sad to find that I had gained one pound from the previous weigh-in. Bringing me to 262. Then 5 days later on the 6'th of December, I weighed in again to find that I was back below my previous weight, this time I was 259 lbs. So, that was a relief. Either way, it's slowing down and my appetite is speeding up. What an awful combo! I'm due for another weigh-in on Wednesday the 14'th. I hope that I have lost a couple more pounds, but we'll see!

Day 33

   So I'd like to lose this weight by about September/October 2012 (since a couple friends are getting married in November/December and I'd like to be able to put on a dress and not look like I had to sew two together) so.. that gives me 9 or 10 months to lose roughly 110 lbs. This comes down to 11-13 lbs a month or 3-4 lbs a week - on average. I sure hope I can do it. So far this last month I've lost about 30 lbs, or an average of 7.5 lbs a week. I know it's going to become more difficult as I become a lower weight, but I'll just have to kick up the working out as I get more and more energy.
   I don't quite NEED to be at my goal weight (150) by the wedding times, but it sure is my dream! I'd be happy to get down to 200, I haven't been that light in years. Wish me luck!

Day 31

   Okay, so I've only lost 4 lbs in the last weekish. Hmph! Thanksgiving was nice. I was able to have a nice dinner with my Mother, Stepfather, Grandma, Grandpa and my brother. I was very good for the actual DINNER- no potatoes, no stuffing (which was the HARDEST part), no rolls, etc. However I did let my leash out a little for dessert. I mean, what's Thanksgiving without a little pumpkin pie, right? Sure, I probably could have done without the spice cake and strawberry shortcake.. but I did MUCH better than past years.
    I've started to do Pilates. Working with my hurt knee is keeping me from doing a few of the exercises but I'm doing my best with what I've got. With any luck, my knee will be getting better soon.

As I sit here, about to watch "Panic Room" and snacking on some grapes and a reduced fat string cheese, I am happy to announce my weight as 261- almost 30 lbs lighter than when I started one month ago!

GOODBYE MONTH ONE!

Day 23

   Okay, I weighed in again! I'm down 5 more pounds bringing me to 265. Granted it's half of what I've been losing the 2 prior weeks but I knew that it would start slowing down sooner or later. Plus, 10 lbs a week isn't recommended anyway.
    I've started to slowly work out, just trying to keep with it. I know that I'm eating well and everything but I'm at the point where I feel guilty if I become full. Ugh. Trying to find a "center" is something that I'm struggling with. It may also have come along with a my recent lack of weight lost. I know I shouldn't feel that way but sometimes I just can't help it. But hey, nothing about this seemed EASY in the beginning. Maybe this is just one of the first things I need to learn to get around.

Day 15

     Ah, my first weigh in since I started this 15 loooong days ago.  First off, I'd like to clear something up. It seems that I do not weigh 300, I weighed 290. This mistake was due to a faulty scale error.(Translation: it wasn't a digital scale. It went all the way around and back to 0, which I mistakenly thought was 300, but when I actually squatted down and looked, it was 290 = 0. Which if you ask me is a very odd place to stop!) Anyway, I stepped on the scale and couldn't even look down for at least 30 or more seconds. All I could think about was how upset I'd be if the number hadn't changed, or worse yet... gone up. I thought about all the changes I've made to my life and how difficult it's been. Once I finally gained the courage to look down, I was very happy I did.



This is day 15 and I weigh 270lbs.

Day 11

    Still sick, but much better than I was. I still haven't weighed in and at this point I think I may just wait till the 2 week mark instead. I hope I can wait. I'm so excited to see if I've lost anything yet. I sure hope so. I've been eating so good! Since I've been sick, I've put the workouts on the back burner so I'm hoping to get back on those in a day or two.
    I can't believe that the 2 week mark is coming up so fast. It really doesn't seem like it's been that long so far. I hope it stays like this! I have a couple friends who are getting married in October/November of 2012. My short term goal is to be 100lbs lighter by those weddings. Just thinking about buying a dress and not being completely disgusted in what's looking back at me in the mirror is my fuel keeping me going!

Day 8

   UGH. So due to an unfortunate case of some sort of wicked cold, I cannot weigh in today. See- I weigh in at work since I do not have a scale at home and I could not go to work today. Kinda stinks since I was really looking forward to seeing if I have lost any weight yet and if so, how much. But there's always tomorrow!
   So far I've been doing well at sticking to my diet. I did however have a very realistic dream last night about a burger and fries though! Hehe, I s'pose those are bound to happen. Since it's now been one week and I think I have most of the eating temptations under control, I think it's time to start working out. I'm sick right now so I think I'll start with a mile or so walks every evening and then start to add in the total gym once I'm feeling a little less weak.

GOODBYE WEEK ONE!

Day 5

     Today is Halloween. Thankfully it's almost over. I didn't think it'd be so hard to resist eating candy all day. Thankfully my trip to the grocery store yesterday was successful. I bought a ton of different foods so it keeps me from being bored while starting this diet. Looks like all I have left on my agenda for the evening is watching a horror movie in bed (I mean c'mon, I have to do something for Halloween) and then it's lights out. I have a sore throat and could definitely use some sleep. Weigh in is in 3 more days!

Day 3

Day 3 is coming to a close. I had to order a lettuce wrap today from my local sandwich shop because I have nothing to eat in the house. Well, nothing even remotely healthy anyway. So I settled for a turkey lettuce wrap. Crazy thing is that they cost the same as their subs. That's not quite fair! I added some cucumbers to it, no mayo, and a dab of mustard for flavor. It helped but it still didn't fill me up very much. Looks like tomorrow I need to go grocery shopping!

Day 2

   I haven't really come up with a set in stone PLAN yet. I know a couple things though for certain! I am cutting out ALL alcohol and limiting the portions I eat. Doesn't sound like much right now, but the not drinking booze part is bound to help out more than it would seem. Did you know that in each shot of (40%) liquor there is about 100 calories? I'm not going to go into details about exactly how much I drank before but if you add those calories and the calories of the mixers, I'm cutting out 1000-2000 (or more) calories A DAY.
   My mother is also trying to lose weight with me. She suggested I start writing down what I eat each day so I can look at it at the end of the week and apparently be disgusted. So far, reading it just makes me hungry... I'm hoping that will change.
  In a few weeks, once I get into the swing of being deprived of all the delicious baked goods in the world, I'm hoping to start adding in daily walks, working out on the total gym, etc, to the schedule. My main thing is just to not get burnt out right away. I have a long journey ahead of me. It helps to look in the mirror every morning and say to myself "This is the last day I'll look like this", knowing that if I can get down to a lower weight I will never go back again.
   I'll update my (hopefully) new weight every week. Goodbye Day 2!

Day 1

    I suppose a good way to start this is to first explain how I got here in the first place. I was 17 years old at the time and had just started dating a guy who would turn out to be my first (more so) serious relationship. I soon dropped out of High School and fell into the lifestyle of partying every night with him and his friends. Wake up, invite friends over, drink, smoke, eat, pass out, rinse and repeat. This went on for the entirety of our two year relationship. At some point during it, I was forced to move out of my mother's house and find a place of my own. Lucky for me, I had friends who moved in with me to help out with bills. Unlucky for me, these friends, like me, were into the same things as I was and I never quite grew out of my careless lifestyle. I am now 23 years old and a staggering 170 lbs heavier than what I used to be before all of this.
    I know that it is time to turn my life around. Well, I guess I have known for quite awhile now but procrastination is the one thing I'm truly wonderful at. However there's only so long you can hide from yourself. So I've started this blog to help me express some of the things that are on my mind and to have to look back on (hopefully in a 'WOW, so glad that's over!' sort of way) in the future.
   
      So without further ado... I weigh 300 lbs and this is Day 1.