Day 559

     I have no idea how I have next to no motivation anymore. At first, although hard, I was actually TRYING. My mood is down, for no reason in particular, and I have absolutely no desire to diet or work towards making myself a better person. This of course makes me kind of depressed and ultimately adds to it! What a sick cycle I have going on here.
    I work about 80 hours a week. My spare time is so limited that my DVR records more than I have the free time to watch. Not to mention when I get home I crash. I just lay down and enjoy the lack of movement. Mornings have never been great for me, but lately they're worse, making it hard to get myself out of bed to workout before work. My one day off a week is what I use as an excuse. You know, 'it's my only day off, why should I do things I don't want to do on it?'. Yep, use that line every week over and over in my head.
    I need to find something to give me back the same motivation that I used to have. It's my birthday in a little under 2 weeks. I had before made it a goal to be under (or right around) 200 lbs by then. I am realistic enough to admit that it will not be happening. I have actually PUT ON weight since I made that goal. This roller coaster I'm riding is making me sick, and I just need to get off of it. I know enough now to know that until I fix my attitude I'm not going to be able to fix everything else. So, until next time, I will be trying to find what makes me happy, what makes me feel more energetic and able to conquer the world (or at least the treadmill) while trying to avoid eating things that I know are awful for me (ie: fast food, pizza, etc) and learning to eat smaller proportions. I will hope to begin calorie counting in another week or two along with new regular workouts. Wish me luck!

This is day 559 on my (what seems like permanent) weight loss journey, and I weigh 232 lbs.

-K

Day 531

     Can you believe it? It's been an entire year since I've posted (and dieted). You've heard of falling off of the wagon? I fell of  Everest and it's taken me this entire time to climb back to the top. I'm writing now 9 pounds heavier than when I left. At a whopping 224 lbs I'm ready to reclaim my rightful place on the skinny throne.
      I've recently started doing some running. By "doing some running" I mean doing some jogging. By "doing some jogging" I mean a little jogging and a lot of walking. It's hard to pick up on. I'm naturally worn out quickly trying to lift ALL OF THIS off the ground multiple times in a row, but on top of that finding time to drag myself out of my bed in the morning is difficult on a whole new level.
      My job comes with a lot of responsibilities, but one of them is baking. Cakes, cookies, puddings, pies... you name it, I've made it and foamed at the mouth of the idea of not being able to taste it. They say that most of your sense of taste is actually your sense of smell. They smell WONDERFUL but it sure isn't like tasting them that's for sure! I've tried making a "healthy" cookie, no dice. Not only are they hard to come by but once I eat a cookie my mind instantly races to "Already ate a cookie, why not some chips to wash that down?". This process is what has made me decide to cut out almost all carbs.
    
This is Day 531 and I weigh 224 lbs.