Day 559

     I have no idea how I have next to no motivation anymore. At first, although hard, I was actually TRYING. My mood is down, for no reason in particular, and I have absolutely no desire to diet or work towards making myself a better person. This of course makes me kind of depressed and ultimately adds to it! What a sick cycle I have going on here.
    I work about 80 hours a week. My spare time is so limited that my DVR records more than I have the free time to watch. Not to mention when I get home I crash. I just lay down and enjoy the lack of movement. Mornings have never been great for me, but lately they're worse, making it hard to get myself out of bed to workout before work. My one day off a week is what I use as an excuse. You know, 'it's my only day off, why should I do things I don't want to do on it?'. Yep, use that line every week over and over in my head.
    I need to find something to give me back the same motivation that I used to have. It's my birthday in a little under 2 weeks. I had before made it a goal to be under (or right around) 200 lbs by then. I am realistic enough to admit that it will not be happening. I have actually PUT ON weight since I made that goal. This roller coaster I'm riding is making me sick, and I just need to get off of it. I know enough now to know that until I fix my attitude I'm not going to be able to fix everything else. So, until next time, I will be trying to find what makes me happy, what makes me feel more energetic and able to conquer the world (or at least the treadmill) while trying to avoid eating things that I know are awful for me (ie: fast food, pizza, etc) and learning to eat smaller proportions. I will hope to begin calorie counting in another week or two along with new regular workouts. Wish me luck!

This is day 559 on my (what seems like permanent) weight loss journey, and I weigh 232 lbs.

-K